Community Officer Blog

There will almost certainly be something in this blog that you'll find unexpected and so I want to make it clear that I'm happy to answer any questions or be challenged on anything you disagree with.

It's Asexual Awareness Week and I'm asexual which means I don't experience sexual attraction.

Despite abut 1% of people being asexual, asexuality is a sexual orientation that is rarely talked about and so this is a great opportunity for me to raise awareness of something really important but also hopefully help others that experience something similar. If I'd known about (or even heard of) asexuality at the start of my degree (or even earlier), I wouldn't have spent so long uncomfortably avoiding discussons on sex and relationships or feeling like I don't fit in.

I first came to the conclusion that I am asexual homosensual and heteroromantic about a year ago when I had had enough of being confused and searched for 'attracted to men and women but in different ways' taking me to a website that described different types of attraction including:

1) Sexual attraction - attraction based on sexual desire

2) Sensual attraction - attraction based on desire for non-sexual physical intimacy

3) Romantic attraction - attraction based on desire for emotional intimacy

I'm sexually attracted to no one (asexual), sensually attracted to men (homosensual) and romantically attracted to women (heteroromantic).

Of course, most people can easily combine all their attractions into one simple orientation but this isn't the case for me and many others. It's often assumed that if someone says they are gay, it means they are homosexual but this isn't always the case - they may be an asexual homoromantic.

Coming out is hard and it's especially difficult if you don't have a short, easily understandable orientation. Fortunately, the first time I came out in person was a positive experience, despite being in the last pub of a pub crawl. It's not always that easy though. In a world where sexual advertising is widespread, virgin shaming is common and there's significant peer pressure in some groups to be having sex regularly, being asexual can have its difficulties. Despite coming out in November last year, I've already experienced discrimination as well as someone seeing me as a 'challenge' and supporting corrective rape (which some asexuals do unfortunately experience). Other issues for asexuals include other hate crimes, a lack of role models, concerns about dating/relationships, stereotyping and erasure.

It's important to clarify that asexuality isn't a choice and it's not usually caused by hormone imbalances, low sex drive, a traumatic experience or a mental illness. It's also worth noting that asexuals are very diverse - there are sex-repulsed asexuals and sex-poitive ones. Some asexuals masturbate, other's don't. Some are married with children but other asexuals have always been happily single. Some asexuals have never had any sexual experiences, others have sex to please a partner, some asexuals enjoy having sex (just don't desire it) and there are a number of asexual sex workers. There's just one thing that all asexuals share in common and that's not experiencing sexual attraction.

If you have any questions at all, please let me know. You can find more information about asexuality at AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) and LGBT+ are a great peer support network which welcomes asexuals and those that are questioning their sexuality/gender identity.